Smells

I have recently been alerted to the fact that I smell like things that I havn't even been around for at least a week.

First of all, who tells people that? That's just rude.

Secondly, is that even possible? I mean, at least once every day I stand naked under a stream of warm water and rub soap all over my body to clense myself (ie; showers) and afterwards I smell like a daisy, that just took a shower and rubbed itself with soap.

Seriously, there is no way that a smell can last a week when you have showered at least seven times since you were exposed to said smell maker...unless we're talkin' about that episode of Seinfeld where that guy with the B.O. parks Jerry's car and it stinks even after getting professionally cleaned. But that smell was the beast.

I was accused of smelling like coffee and cigarettes. I mean yeah, I was drinking a coffee at the time, but the smell accuser took a whiff of my forearm. That stuff aint coming out of my pores now is it?

Okay, you might be saying, "But Pat, coffee smells good to most people, why are you worrying?"

Because! Thats why!

No one likes it when they are told they smell, unless the word following "You smell" is good. Read that one twice, I kind of worded it weird, but this is my blog, I'm not going back to change it.

To close, don't tell me I smell. Instead, tell me about how my shirts and or hats really bring out the blue in my eyes.

Mis-adventures.

For those of you who don't know, the human body is not really meant to be able to digest dairy products. Our bodies just aren't made that way, hence lactose intolerant people. I thought that just meant people were prejudice or something. I don't understand it, dairy is good. But it's true, check wiki-pedia.

Anyways, when I first heard this tidbit of information, I was of course flabbergasted and upset. How could something that gives you strong bones be bad for you? I was determined to prove that dairy could never affect me in a bad way, and to do this I came up with three tests.

Test #1: The Milk Challenge.

To the grocery store! My friend Randy accompanied me to purchase four different 4 litre milk jugs; one 2% milk, one chocolate milk, one strawberry flavoured, and one skimmed. The thought process was to keep this little experiment very scientific. Clearly.

I believe I got through about three quarters of the 2% jug before I learned that indeed, too much dairy equals bad news bears. On the way back up the milk is still cold and it stings your nostrils, and if you get it on your clothing, you smell like cottage cheese. Chocolate milk is the basically the same, as Randy found out, except it's brown. Yuck.

We were out of commission for a while after this test, and we were too lazy to do tests 2 and 3, so we quit.

The moral is, too much of a good thing can make you barf. Remember that kids.

-Pat